Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Blog Moved

2006-11-04T11:45:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

We have officially moved the blog to http://aspergerteen.com/. We have not yet been able to move the comments but those will follow soon. We also need to work on the template but that will come. Now that the blog is moved, we can begin posting again.

Ride 'em cowboy!

2006-08-06T10:04:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Two Wednesday's ago I dropped Tommy of at STAR and ran off to do an errand. Upon my return I am stunned, and unfortunately cameraless, seeing Tommy riding off lead! For the past 5 years (maybe 6) that Tommy has participated in the STAR program he has ridden on lead. That means one, sometimes two, people walk beside the horse holding a tether and they have equal, if not more, control of the horse as the rider. On that Wednesday, Tommy's sidewalker was near by Tommy was in complete control of the horse.

Last Wednesday I stayed the whole class. Tommy mounted his horse and rode into the ring before anyone else. I mean before anyone else! He took his horse into the ring and brought it to a complete stop. The next student came out with two volunteers helping him. One of the volunteers asked Tommy to start around the ring and he confidently made his horse walk. He rode the entire class without a volunteer or staff member anywhere near! It was incredible. I had goosebumps!

This past Saturday, Tommy rode at the annual Star horse show at Roane State Community College in Rockwood, TN (Harmond). In the Intermediate Futures he rode against 2 other rides and took first place. See his performance below.

Tommy was thrilled. This was the first time he had ever ridden in a show without an assistant. The horse he rode, Dandy, was skiddish and would have reacted badly to applause. Tommy rode with confidence and poise.

He tied for first place against 4 other riders in the Intermediate Obstacle English/Western. See his performance below.

Tommy also rode Intermediate Western Equitation against 2 other riders and received first place!

The folks at Shangri-la Therapuetic Academy of Riding have seen Tommy grow from an out of control child, who spoke harshly with insults to the volunteers and who was almost removed from the program when his actions and increasing weight threatened harm to the animals, grow into a calm, controlled young adult with a sense of humor and the ability to chat correctly and politely with the staff and volunteers. He has gained their confidence enough to earn the privilege of solo riding. Lynn Petr, founder of STAR, prior to the show, but in ring, gave Tommy a pep talk and asked him if he was up to this. She reminded him that not only was he in charge of his safety and the safety of the horse but for all others that were in the ring. Tommy responded non-chalantly, "No problem." After the show multiple staff members, volunteers, and parents remarked at Tommy's achievement! Thank you Star! Tommy did great!

Wake up!

2006-06-15T09:43:00.000-04:00

Dad Mom reports:

At 9:30am I roused Tommy to be social with his friend who was being monopolized by the 10 year old and the 4 year old. He actually rose with little argument and lacking the normal grogginess.

All any Aspie caregiver wants is for their child to have a friend

2006-06-15T07:42:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Being normal

We are stunned. Blown away! Tommy has a friend! This friend has spent time at Tommy's house and Tommy has spent unsupervised time at his house. Yesterday this friend came and spent several hours at Tommy's house then we dropped off a nervous, giggly Tommy at his friend's church youth group for 3 hours. Yes, we dropped Tommy off in a building full of unfamiliar teenagers with food, foosball, and what looked like band equipment and gave no warning to any adult! We dropped Tommy off in a potentially chaotic and possibly noisy environment where his comfort level was sure to be challenged. And we were relaxed about it! We didn't really give it another thought.

Everything went well! And the best part, Tommy's acting appropriately and very much like a normal 15.5 year old boy.

How Aspies view the world

So on the way to the church we ask his friend, "What kind of church do you go to?" And his friend, also Aspie, responds, "Christian I think." Ok. Rethink question. "What's the name of your church?" He responds, "Two Rivers." I take a guess, "Baptist." Then I joke, "Baptists meet at rivers. Catholics meet in bars." The boys laugh and then Tommy's friend chuckles, "I don't understand the joke but it sounds funny." Mom and I agree that pretty much sums up an Asperger life. I don't understand ____ but I can deal with it in my own way.

Milestones

There's something exciting about sleeping over at someone's house. The children beg to either be somewhere else or have a horde of friends spend the night. Tommy, with no friends, never had such pleasures. Last night his friend stayed the night!

Tonight, Tommy is having a friend sleep over. At 15 and a half, this is his very first sleepover. It may be about 10 years later than most children, but it’s just as important and special now as it would have been back then.

We ignored them and this morning at 5:30am I find Tommy wide-eyed playing the video game and his friend crashed out on the bed. I should have let Tommy keep going but instead told him to turn it off and get some shuteye.

I am very impressed with Tommy's progress in everything!

Some things they have to work out

2006-06-11T22:15:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tonight instead of intervening I chose to video tape. Tommy brings two identical chairs to the kitchen table for dinner. One comes from his room, the other from his brother's. His has a pillow case on the back (I don't know why). The four year old promptly plops herself in his seat and declares that is where she will eat tonight. Tommy spends the next 10 minutes arguing with her trying to convince this 4 year old, that is taking pleasure in pushing his buttons, to move to another seat. In the end, he gives up and broods through dinner in a different chair.

The shoe is on the other foot

2006-05-30T12:50:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Our Aspergers children have their quirks but sometimes aren't satisfied with them and seek new ones. Tommy has been doing so well. His Tourette syndrome behaviors have been almost non-existent. Aspie's often show some tic or twitch and it is exasperated by the ADHD medicines.

Tommy has picked a new gig. A few weeks ago he started wearing one sock and having other shoe barefoot; or perhaps one boths socks but only one shoe. He will walk all over the house like this for hours. We paid no mind and only once has he tried to suck us into his game with an exaggerated limp routine through the living room. He does this at his grandparents also.

This is a good example of an Aspergers behavior that can easily be ignored. If it gives Tommy some bizarre pleasure or comfort, so be it. The one shoe on/one off just looks like he started to remove both his shoes and got distracted. This far different than constantly drawing circles in the air.

Funny Guy

2006-05-26T08:45:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy really does have a great sense of humor.

Just doesn't know how to study

2006-05-23T18:00:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

It's the evening before the last day of school and we have bawling tears, screams, moans, yelling and flat out defiance. Nope. This is not about adjusting to change. We made the glorified mistake of asking Tommy to study. He has 3 pages front and back of fill in the blank questions to put in a couple of words each as his study for his final exam. He claims one took him 30 minutes because I asked him to write down the page where he found his answer. He wrote down that he found the answer in the glossary. After being unable to show me where the answer was in the glossary I volunteered to find the answer for him. So, using one hand while holding a baby, and using a book I've never opened, I found the answer in 30 seconds.

I ask, is this a battle worth fighting? What would Alan Shore do? So far Tommy has spent time with the mosquitoes on the porch and I've threatened to take his computer away. He has put severely more time into fighting this than it would take to have finished the work but I also feel he really has no clue how to use a reference book. I feel like I should help him learn but who wants to endure this?!

Go ahead, joke about Aspergers!

2006-05-22T04:17:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

In an IRC a few hours ago someone joked "Hey, I can multitask. I don't have aspergers." Several things went through my mind. My initial thought was "this guy has Aspergers!" But then I began to think maybe not and I wanted to be offended that someone would joke about Aspergers. Instead I was glad.

I find it interesting to have been ahead of game learning about Aspergers before it was widely recognized. To have watch the growth in available reading materials and resources boom from almost nothing to a great wealth of information. Please, joke about Aspergers! To joke about it means the common person understands it.

Bus Blahs

2006-04-28T07:08:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

The end of the school year is fastly approaching and patience has run out for his afternoon bus rides home. Apparently he has good rides in the morning but during the afternoon annoys the driver and other riders. The bus is a difficult situation for Tommy. It is noisy. It is socially challenging. It is cramped. I remember the bus being a terribly stressful endeavor. I can only imagine how challenging it is for Tommy.

The Morning Moan

2006-04-28T07:04:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy rises: Nuuahhhnggnnn. "Ow! My shoulder." (might be his back or side or big toe)
Dad: "Do you want to go to the doctor?"
Tommy, moans: "No."
Dad: "Are you willing to stretch and exercise?"
Tommy, sharply: "No!"
Dad: "Then stop complaining."

Repeat tomorrow.

Boston Legal Features Aspergers

2006-04-19T12:58:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Hand, Jerry Espenson, returned on last night's Boston Legal. I can still remember his very first appearance when Mom bolted upright and declared, "He's got Aspergers!" After several episodes, Boston Legal revealed Jerry's diagnosis...Aspergers. Sidebar incase Michael reads here. Jerry's actor, Christian Clemenson, has great credits including Veronica Mars, CSI, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Fisher King, just to name a few.

I thought portraying Aspergers was risky particularly considering how varied it can be from person to peron. However, Boston Legal pulls this off excellently! I hope we get to see many returns of Jerry Espenson! As parents, we often question, "what will our Aspergers son do for a living?" It is nice to see an adult Aspie portrayed in pursuit of a professional and challenging career.

Boston Legal has helped me deal with Tommy. I've developed the WWASD method of response.

Church

2006-04-11T07:17:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Our experience with Tommy and churches can be summed up as the churches don't want him. ( slightly related horrible story) Even his grandparent's church, that formed a class for special needs people and sent people away for training, turned Tommy away by declaring "he can be here but needs an adult to stay with him in the class." That would have been a year or two ago.

This past Sunday Tommy, Evan, Mom and I decided to make an appearance at the grandparent's church where Sarah, Noah and Amy also attend. West Park Baptist Church has a recent addition called The Hub, their student center, is focused on middle school and high school students. It is a really neat place with Xboxes, foosball, pool, and an auditorium set up like a Hardrock Cafe. We were halfway between the adult Sunday school classroom buildings and The Hub when Mom recommended that Tommy head to the sanctuary and read until classes were done. I suggested he check out The Hub. A class of 5-8 people was being held just outside The Hub's back entrance.

Kick in teenage awkwardness. Any teenager would be uncomfortable approaching a new situation and new people. Tommy turns his body toward the sanctuary. I stop him and suggest that he simply walk into The Hub's back door, pass through, exit the front door, and go to the sanctuary. He does! And we head to adult Sunday school.

After Sunday school we head to the sanctuary where we expect to find Tommy but he is AWOL. We give him some time to show up and the service starts so I exit to seek him out. I assume he simply became entranced with a game at The Hub but he is not there. Instead I find Mark who guided Sarah on a recent rock climbing trip and we have some pleasant conversation. He teaches the high schoolers and takes a few minutes to tell me about The Hub and we talk about Tommy. As I return to the sanctuary, I find Tommy sitting outside in a tucked away corner deeply lost in his book (The Cockoo's Egg by Cliff Stoll) and I get an inspiration.

I prompt Tommy to follow me about the same time Mom comes out to see if I've found him. Tommy and Mom follow me to The Hub where I intend to introduce Tommy to Mark in hopes that Mark will be able to introduce Tommy to a couple of kids his age. When we reach The Hub, I ask for Mark but instead of being told "he is teaching a class" the person interupts the class and pulls Mark out. I felt so bad then before I know it Mark has invited Tommy into the class, Tommy accepts, and Mom and I are left staring blankly at a door behind which Tommy has disappeared with no warnings, no instructions and no plan. Mom, aghast, declares, "that was wrong."

Evan, at 10 months, is spending his first time ever in the nursery. I am not worried about Evan. But I can't sit still worrying about Tommy. I finally walk over and peek in the window to see Tommy's book on the table closed, and Tommy not talking but listening intently with no fidgetting!

Afterwards, I apologise to Mark for interupting his class and he insists it was fine. He also claims Tommy did great and goes on to invite him back. I talk further about Tommy's lack of understanding of social skills and how he might be rude while thinking he is joking. Mark says he can handle it. When I tell him of our past attempts at getting Tommy into church Mark enthusiastically says, "not only do I hope he comes back. I want him to come back." Tommy reports that he had a great time and "wants to attend regularly." Perhaps we will return in two weeks and hope for an equally pleasant experience.

sensory integration

2006-04-10T12:14:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
Tommy has reached an age and ability level that allows him to identify some of his own sensory needs and problems. Hooray! In the past few months he has taken to eating plastic cups. He doesn't actually eat them. He just bites down so hard that he actually cracks, breaks and removes chunks of the plastic cup. "Mom, I NEED to bite down really had to focus on what I'm reading or doing." I understand what he wants but we are running out of cups rapidly, so I need to find another outlet for this teeth clenching or jaw locking vestibular issue.

parenting differences

2006-04-10T12:12:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
Sometimes Dad and I have to just agree to disagree.

Returning to Posting

2006-04-10T06:59:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

We stepped away from posting for a technical reason but we are back.

2006-03-09T12:17:00.000-05:00

Mom reports: Yesterday I finally got Tommy the new pair of jeans he has been begging me to buy. His old jeans were not fitting well and Tommy is a creature of comfort. Tommy smiled when he tried them on and told me they felt great. When I told him that they are four inches smaller than his old jeans, he smiled from earlobe to earlobe and asked me to wash them EVERY night. I told him okay.

Really ready to sleep in school

2006-02-21T07:52:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Sometimes as Tommy heads to school he hollers, "bye!" and I do the same. Today I happened to give him a critical eye as he prepared to walk out the door. His belly protruded from his shirt and his arms buldged in his sleeves that reminded me of Lou Ferrigno about to bust through his clothing. Tommy was dressed but still wearing his sleep shirt (Tommy prefers medical scrubs), and one that needs to go away. As I type this it occurs to me deoderant probably didn't come into play this morning. I felt relieved that he didn't go to school that way. He would have received quite a good teasing. It's 2.7° C outside and I could not convince him to take a coat.

Aspies, as hyper-focused as they can be on something, can be equally as unfocused on other things. We all have walked around oblivious to our fly being open and we joke about forgetting to wear our pants on our wedding day but people point these things out to us and we laugh them away. Would Tommy have eventually noticed or if someone pointed it out would he have just smiled? In either case would he have called home for a shirt or just carried on?

Hygiene is a constant issue with an Aspie (any teenager for that matter). With an Aspie it seems to be more of a battle. More than one bath a day is out of the question. Being told that "you smell funny" is down right insulting and a point for agrument "I do not!" Last night I asked, "when was the last time you brushed your teeth?" To which the reply was, "uuh. I can't remember." Thank goodness we have the desire for routine on our side. Now as parents we simply have to be diligent police until the habit forms.

Silent rather than social

2006-02-20T21:53:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Tonight's Knoxville Asperger Support Group meeting (3 people) was better than last month's (0 people). It was a energetic meeting and we had so much fun talking that we ran almost until the library closed.

Near closing, I try to pay my fines but they can't make change and although I try to joke with the librarian he is stiff and business-like with me. Tommy walks up to check out two Forbidden Realms books and the librarian perks up and starts asking, "have you read the one by this author about the villian? It's a much better series!" I waited to see how Tommy reacted and if he would engage. Tommy chose to look at the floor and grunt a little. I must give him credit. He didn't look as uncomfortable as that sentence implies but obviously didn't know what to say. In the end, I had to prompt for a "thank you" and he was genuine in his saying so.

That is a classic depiction of an Asperger social situation. However, we have all been in such a situation. Call it shyness. Call it awkwardness. We all can empathise. So why are we not all Aspie? I'd guess that the Aspie feels this was almost all the time.

2006-02-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

Mom reports: Yesterday Tommy's teacher asked us if Tommy is on the vocational or college track so she can get his class schedule for next year finished. It's a question that should have been asked last year but I still found it difficult to answer. Lots of people with Aspergers can and do go to college. I just don't think it is right for Tommy. He would refuse to participate in foundation courses and no professor is going to tolerate Tommy making noises and fidgeting during class. I don't want to sound like I don't believe in Tommy. I believe Tommy is incredibly intelligent and we will never really know how smart he is because of his uncooperativeness during standardized testing. I long ago decided that Tommy needed a technical education that would allow him to focus on something that interests him. Unfortunately, his only interests right now are computer games, reading and sleeping. The school gave him an interest survey. It said he should work with airplanes. Since he just finished reading World War II books about airplanes, that is not really a surprise. However, last year he read all the library books about dragons, so last year he would have tested as an anthropologist or science fiction editor. In the end, it should be Tommy's choice, but he won't focus on the future. He seems to have no opinion when I try and discuss this with him. Without any input from him, I asked the teacher to pursue the vocational track. I feel sad but convinced it is the right decision. Now if I could just figure out what he would be happy doing. Most people graduate college and wander for years but I am supposed to make my child's future plans right now?

2006-02-16T12:11:00.000-05:00

This is a 4 day weekend for the children and Tommy has already declared his intent to play online for 36 hours straight. Part of me thinks that is incredibly unhealthy but another part of me knows how important it is to set goals (even silly ones).

2006-02-12T14:30:00.000-05:00

Mom reports:
The lovely Julie sent this link. Be sure to read all of the comments.

The art of not bathing

2006-02-12T11:55:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Tommy loves to soak in the tub. He can make a bath last 1.5 hours! The one thing he loves more than soaking in the tub is fighting taking a bath. He will spend half an hour to an hour avoiding getting it the bath. It's quite impressive! Usually it goes something like this:

Dad: Get a bath.
Tommy: Do I have to?

Now there is a back and forth and debate over whether or not he really needs a bath and can he do it later (coming evening or next morning). He uses the debate as a tool to stay out of the bath and if the rents are paying attention he can drag it on.

Tommy walks to the hallway and stares vacantly until called down.
Dad: What are you doing?
Tommy: I forgot.
pause
Tommy: Oh yeah. Getting a towel.
This repeats for clothing, deoderant and so forth.

Now, baths have rules. For Tommy, the clothing that he will wear must be laid out beforehand. So, if something critical is still in the dryer or unfolded in the clean laundry, no bathing can occur even if it is promised that the clothing will be ready for him before he gets out. Naturally this buys him several minutes.

Next comes the back and forth. His technique here is to see how many different conversations he can engage Mom and Dad in. If Mom and Dad aren't paying attention, they can be sucked into "educational" discussions that are merely cons to delay entering the bath. He is quite good at these. Walk to the bathroom; come out and ask a question; walk back to the bathroom; come out ask another question; and repeat as long as possible.

Now for the long sit. Prior to a bath, a 30+ minute meditation occurs on the ivory throne. If he managed to sneak a book in with him he can stretch this out to an hour plus.

Eventually we hear water running and the parental mantra changes to "Get done and get out!"

2006-01-25T15:21:00.000-05:00

Mom reports: First came the notes, then the phone calls and finally the request for an m-team to rewrite Tommy's behavior plan. It's not like we didn't expect problems to return, it's just disappointing. Personally, I think we are pushing him harder than ever and we should just stand our ground instead of making a big fuss. But, what do I know?

Student project: Mood-phone for Asperger's patients

2006-01-19T18:58:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Motorola has given an award to John Finan, who created a conceptual "mood-phone" that would help Asperger's Syndrome patients determine the mood of the people they're addressing. Asperger's Syndrome famously afflicts sufferers by impairing their ability to pick up on social cues, and the mood-phone would makes those cues explicit, thus enabling Asperger's patients to communicate more readily.

2006-01-18T14:41:00.000-05:00

Mom reports:
Tommy is getting smart-mouthy. This is normal teenager stuff that gets treated differently because of his Aspergers. He is also starting to fight doing schoolwork. I know he does less than other high schoolers, but it is still more than he has ever done at school. I question if we are pushing too hard, too fast. No. I know he can do this.

2006-01-02T18:29:00.000-05:00

Mom reports:
What happenned to the little boy who would draw anatomically correct chalk figures on our sidewalk? Now I am not allowed to mention any body part or bodily function without him turning into a bear and growling "Mooooooom!"

2005-12-28T16:16:00.000-05:00

Mom reports:
Tommy has to get a new board installed in his computer before he can use the PC game he got for Christmas. He hasn't touched the world band radio since being lectured not to "turn the knobs too much or he'll wear them out". Right now he is trying to put together his remote control car but with all the rules being barked at him I predict he'll be back on the new DS game (it required no assembly or safety rules) very soon. I am not an Aspie but I understand Tommy really well and right now I am keenly aware of how adults can take all the fun out of play.

2005-12-13T10:44:00.000-05:00

Mom reports: From Thursday until Monday our family was overtaken by a nasty stomach virus. I knew my week would be spent trying to catch up on the damage inflicted to the laundry. Imagine the normal laundry for a family of 7 plus every piece of bedding and towel in the house being dirty and you have an idea of what I have to get done this week. Last night Tommy had no jammies (he sleeps in medical scrubs) in his drawer and he gave me a verbal lashing. "Doesn't ANYONE ever do laundry around here?" I was not patient or appropriate with my response. "You can do laundry any time you want to do so."

2005-12-04T17:25:00.000-05:00

Mom reports:
Tommy likes to pick a song and play it over and over and over again. Since I can hear it through his broken headphones, I get to listen to it over and over and over again. Arrrgh!

Test

2005-12-01T16:42:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Test post.

Aspie to Adulthood

2005-11-17T08:12:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Looks like another success story! We need Tim clones!

Getting From Here to

2005-11-17T06:49:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Tommy has never had a trouble-free bus ride. The bus, and yes he rides a short one, is like his own little captive audience to which he can amuse himself be that through making them laugh or irritating them to tears. His ride is nearly an hour. Now take someone that has Aspergers, confine them to a small noisy space (anyone remember the drone of the engine on a bus? the irritating whistling of the wind through the crooked, unclosing windows? the torn irregular seats? the fear of the driver's bad driving?), ask them to sit still on an uncomfortable bench seat with the padding shot, throw in other troubled children like one that makes repetitive nonsense noises, and you have created a formula for disaster. Shoot, put someone without Aspergers in that situation and you might have problems.

Over the years, Tommy's solutions to the bus ride have included the school offering to pay us to drive him to school instead of riding the bus (remember, they are legally obligated to provide transportation), switching buses, varying pickup times (usually by the end of the year he is the last pickup to school and first drop off from school), adding an aide, adding a police officer, writeups, detentions, and all to no avail. I personally think Tommy feels in a position of power over the bus driver and takes advantage of the situation to be defiant. But the main thing that is happening is Tommy is trying to be social and amusing to the other kids and flubs it. After he becomes insulting (probably meaning to be funny) the kids attack him back and it escalates. Once Tommy feels you don't like him he traditionally has put all his effort into making sure that you don't like him. I think he has matured beyond that.

I believe on days Tommy wakes early, calmly dresses, and has breakfast that he has more successful bus rides. On days he wakes late and rushes out the door, usually without breakfast, he has rough bus rides. The trouble is Tommy doesn't want to get up. No matter what I do he resists and it takes me away from helping the other kids prepare for their day. So instead of threats, screaming, yelling, forcing him outside on the porching, physically pushing him out of bed (yes, he will curl up on the floor and continue sleeping), revoking privileges and so forth, today I sat on the bed and read Charles Dickens' David Copperfield aloud to him. It took 10 minutes but I enjoyed the material as well as the practice reading aloud and Tommy from the beginning of the read and repeatedly through the 10 minutes stated, "you're better than an alarm clock." He got up 30 minutes before his bus arrived, as opposed to the usually 4-10 minutes, and started off his day calm and relaxed.

2005-11-09T10:59:00.000-05:00

Mom reports: Where were the t-shirts and underwear with tags printed instead of sewn in them when Tommy was little? That would have saved us hours of misery and clothing abuse. A few months ago I was sorting through some outgrown clothes and found shirts with bandaids over the tags and clothes with their tags removed completely. I am soooo happy we are past that now.

2005-11-09T09:02:00.000-05:00

been there, done that, got the t-shirt

Rough patches

2005-11-02T12:05:00.000-05:00

Dad reports:

Monday and Tuesday were reported as rough with Tommy repeating over and over on Monday "we're all going to die!" and since he had been told not to say that on Tuesday "Die! Die! Die!" which obviously isn't "we're all going to die." Most of school is ok. The bus rides are beyond rough but home is good. Not sure what his goal is.

2005-11-01T09:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween!

2005-10-27T11:40:00.000-04:00

Tommy's Teacher reports:
Hi Doug & Cathy, The biology teacher wrote on Tommy's clipboard that he had several appropriate conversations with other students today! He didn't take his book out and did set up his Dana to work on the vocabulary assignment. Another great morning for Tommy!

Nice work!

2005-10-26T16:04:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy had a great day even doing well in his toughest class. I wonder if the threat of losing library privileges and fun reading during school had any impact?

2005-10-26T14:18:00.000-04:00

Tommy likes to use as little effort as possible in all things. This is how he puts away the clean dishes.

Better but not good enough

2005-10-26T06:42:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Yesterday was another hard day for Tommy. He refused to give up his reading material and instead of working read a book under his coat. His direct defiance is disturbing to the teacher. I so hope that today improves.

We all slip

2005-10-25T15:09:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy had a really rough day yesterday. He woke gruff. Then went to school and had to call home to have his mother beg him to pull it together and have a nice day. Later the principal called (first call of the year) to explain that Tommy was chasing other children around with a broom. The teach emailed that she had never seen this side of Tommy. He was absolutely defiant.

This is the old Tommy. Please let him pull it together and not fall.

This could have been prompted by our visit to the circus on Sunday. He had a great time but seemed a nervous wreck during the show. Echos. Lights. Unpredictability. I could see many ways how the circus could be hard on Tommy.

Connected

2005-10-16T14:35:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy will be checked-out for the next several days (or more). He now has his computer connected to the Internet. Can it be turned into a productivity tool? Let's see how he responses to assigned tasks in outlook.

No Appetite

2005-10-14T07:04:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Seroquel and other weight gain drugs are evil. We haven't weighed Tommy recently but his last weigh-in was 230 pounds. I don't like him skipping meals but since he has been off the Seroquel he frequently skips breakfast because "[he] is not hungry" and he now eats reasonable portions at meals without needing to be watched over like a hawk.

Now it is time to break those parental habits of being overbearing when it comes to portion size and seconds and thirds and fourths...

2005-10-09T11:15:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: A recurring theme in our Aspie support group is coping with our children's OCD behaviors. Most people with Aspergers seem to have rituals surrounding their daily tasks. When the rituals interfere with your ability to function in the world, they are diagnosable as OCD. Nobody wants to talk about it but, using the bathroom is frequently a major ritual for our children and teens. Tommy has some sort of unwritten rule that he must use the toilet before he gets into the bathtub. He even tries to only use the toilet when it is bathtime. I wonder how often he is a grouch because he is physically uncomfortable. I know that he is not alone in trying to control and ritualize what should be just a basic bodily function because I have heard other parents complain about their children refusing or insisting on going until it becomes a huge dramatic ordeal.

Therapuetic Approach

2005-10-06T11:32:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Yesterday at Star Tommy started to slip into the giddy laughter and childish behavior. I reeled him in quickly by addressing him directly, asking him to look at himself, then spelling out a dramatic consequence if he didn't straighten up (in this case, going straight home and not participating in the ride). He became serious and slightly sullen and I made him apologize to the instructors and had him ask the instructor if he needed to go home. The end result was he did straighten up and had a good ride albeit with nonstop chatter.

2005-10-05T16:07:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: Tommy acted up a bit at school today and while trying to talk about it, Dad asked if he should drop by school tomorrow so we could chat with the teacher. Tommy became very angry and announced that the other students make fun of him when we go to the school. I have no doubt that two middle aged adults with a preschooler and baby stick out like sore thumbs in the sea of teens and I have always suspected that Tommy was subjected to daily teasings by other students but this is the first time Tommy has ever acknowledged it. It may not seem like it, but this is progress for Tommy.

Do they really keep us healthy?

2005-10-03T14:53:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

"Noted health expert Dr. Joseph Mercola reports the Federal Drug Administration (FDA) has “fast-tracked” a new mercury-filled vaccine, despite a growing controversy over an alleged linkage between mercury and autism and various other illnesses..." More

2005-10-03T12:58:00.000-04:00

Tommy writes: The world got into WWIII, got unorganized, and aliens from hdkiwfgtisevtgirftfuhjjergf, the capitol city of planet UUBERSHNOGHT in the bloonkergerderjerserblatty galaxy attacked and almost won because we were unorganized. Then people decided to organize things so that if aliens attacked again, we would fight them off easier. The aliens only eat purple tofu filled with blue spinach wrapped in moldy French toast soaked in Black Ink-flavored ice cream with rusty checkers pieces mixed into it. They attacked by sending giant robots, fueled by moldy milk with Japanese hornet poison and rotten diseased-rat steak mixed in, to smash buildings with their 800,000,000 ton hammers made of cheese that was allowed to age for 979756943765746746562347956235763427568765873658732658 millennia, and then it was frozen solid at -9999999999999999999999 degrees blorngfkend. Not that the aliens are smart-in fact, their IQ is the equivalent of -437743765976875398756387 they are just very, very, very, very, very, very lucky. Meanwhile, it turns out that they have accidentally put a germ on the robots that makes humanity stupid(er). Their language involves three barely distinguishable short burping noises. Experts (?) are quick to point out, however, that two of the three are insults, and the aliens concentrate (as much as possible-see IQ level) on volume.
Several people have tried to learn the alien language, since the alien sounds that are easiest to make are insults. Luckily, we were able to fight them off once the smartest of them all accidentally pushed the self-destruct all button (he was reaching for the "make cheeseburger" button which was 80 feet away from the button he was reaching for.) Even then we only fought them off because a friendly(not murderously hateful) race of super-intelligent giant cats with assault rifles that make their own ammo, are powered by kinetics, and are made of flow-metal, which can change shape and size. Even now, however, after 50 years the stupidity germ has not died out.

2005-10-02T21:04:00.000-04:00

Granny quote of the day:
"Tommy is a MUCH more pleasant teenager than YOU were Cathy."
Umm, thanks?

Feel the love!

2005-09-30T07:10:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

So Tommy says to me this morning, "I love my family! And that includes you by the way." ??!?!

Medicine Be Gone!

2005-09-30T06:35:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy has taken his last Seroquel this morning. Here's hoping that he continues to maintain himself without the medicine. Coincidentally he forgot to take his evening medicine last night. I really think that at this point in his life the medicines are doing little to nothing to help him. Of course, the dreaded Spring will be the deciding point.

FOUND - AMBER ALERT! Help find this child!

2005-09-29T20:24:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

FOUND!

Help find this child! He is in danger. They won't issue an amber alert on a technicality. Read the details. Study the picture!

Taken from the city of Strongsville, Ohio. Last seen in Lakewood, Ohio on Clifton Blvd. 9-28-05 at 10:00 a.m. We suspect that she will be trying to make her way either towards Mexico, or Florida.
...
Nancy Rolfe may be driving a White Chevy conversion van with light blue or green pin stripes. She may also be with a friend who drives a white Honda with black trim.

He'll be coming through Tennessee folks! Spread the word!

(Click here to quickly cut and paste the source of this message into your post)

2005-09-28T16:00:00.000-04:00

Tommy reports:
"Serenity has a really good storyline, although it is a bit confusing at first. I really enjoyed it."

Mom says - That was all Tommy would write until I told him to dictate to me. Then I got this:

"We went to see Serenity two days early. I sat in the front. Normally when I see a movie I eat a whole popcorn and two drinks but this time I barely ate my popcorn because I was paying attention to the movie. They showed a preview for the movie Dune which is also a game. Then the movie started but at first I thought it was another preview. I watch things like this a lot so I wasn't scared. It was a really good movie. Anyone who likes LOTR or Harry Potter or space movies would like it. I want to see the tv show now and buy the DVD for the movie as soon as it comes out. The end of the movie was funny cause the same piece falls off the ship. It would be a cool movie in 3-D and that's a compliment."

2005-09-26T18:51:00.000-04:00

When Tommy finds something funny (like the Goofy cartoon he is watching here), he laughs and giggles loudly. Great progress for a child who was once so serious and angry. I used to describe our lives as being like walkingon eggshells, fearing the breaks. Now I think Tommy has made his way out of his shell and is eager to be a part of his world, a little at a time.

Example Behavior

2005-09-26T11:23:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

On Saturday evening we took the family out to watch a few hot air balloons take off. Now, had we paid the $10 to go through the gate a world of begging would have ensued and a second mortage would have been needed to pay for the festivities. We didn't plan on being long and neither Evan, Amy or Tommy was prepared for that kind of adventure. Perhaps next year.

So, instead, we parked by the soccer field on Solway Road and hung out with the other's taking pictures and enjoying the large balloons float up to the heavens. But then the powerlines became an issue. At first our kids hung back while Mom went across the street to take pictures unobstructed by the lines. Some others joined her. On her second trip out she took the toddler so the teen and pre-teen were allowed to go.

Across the road was a shoulder with perhaps 20-30feet of mowed grass and then weeds and brush that would have prevented anyone from getting to the event. When Tommy wandered down into this "field" the police started hollering that everyone needed to get back to the road. Tommy was oblivious. Mom started calling for Tommy. The police continued their prompt. The crowd started joining in. Finally, on his own schedule, Tommy wandered back to our side of the road.

2005-09-26T11:22:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Curious Goldie's Suburban Adventures - Aspie Digest September 22, 2005

Good responses

2005-09-22T12:34:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

I am very proud of the way Tommy handled himself this morning. In the past if Tommy was getting negative attention over a spill on his pants he would have hammed it up for more attention or intentionally poured more stuff on him. And we would have ended up in the school office with another M-Team scheduled. Instead, today Tommy calmed noted that he didn't want to be teased all day. He did so well!

Conversation with Tommy

2005-09-22T10:12:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Phone rings with Knox County School id.
Dad answers: "Hello"
Tommy jokes: laughs "I'm in trouble."
Dad gives no response
Tommy: "I'm joking."
Dad: "I know."
Tommy: "I spilled my cereal this morning."
Nothing else. Long pause.
Dad: "Yes. I was there. Do you need a new shirt."
Tommy: "No."
Long pause.
Tommy: "Are you there?"
Dad: "Yes."
pause
Tommy: "I don't need a new shirt. I need new pants. I didn't dry them very well. I don't want to be laughed at all day."
Dad: "Are people giving you are hard time?"
Tommy: "Yes."
Dad: "I'll be right up."

I did ask him this morning if he wanted to change clothes.

2005-09-21T15:30:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: I am seriously considering allowing Tommy to drink a soda with caffeine in the mornings.

Therapuetic Approach

2005-09-21T11:23:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy couldn't sleep last night. Usually that means he wants to wait out Mom and Dad then stay up for several hours reading or playing games. He can typically fall asleep if he wants. This morning he woke earlier than usual which I had hoped would get him moving and set him on the right course but a phone call from the teacher revealed he slept through Biology again and when woken refused to work.

At home coinsequences aren't having a affect so we have decided to tell Tommy that from now on sleeping in school will mean he doesn't ride the bus home and stays after school to make up the time. A time for time consequence Unfortunately, this approach punishes the teacher and has the potential side effect of turning into a reward system if Tommy finds himself enjoying the 1 on 1 attention too much. Fingers crossed that Tommy can break this sleeping habit quickly.

Soccer Option for Special Needs Children

2005-09-20T07:22:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

The Aspie Support Group meeting last night was exceptional. I was reminded that a church in Farragut has a soccer league that lets special needs children play. No one is particular about the rules. A child might hit one goal once then the other the next time. What is important is that the children are playing together and being active. What a great program!

Interesting Stats

2005-09-20T03:36:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

I find it interesting that this blog which typically receives 17 views a day received 142 views yesterday! That exceeds my pre-camera max traffic.

2005-09-19T12:14:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: I had a really good m-team this morning at Tommy's school. Everyone agreed that Tommy has made remarkable strides in maturity and behavior. His first 6 weeks report card is three Bs and one A. This is the best report card ever for Tommy! The only problem right now is Tommy's efforts to sleep thru biology. Maybe he is genuinely tired. Maybe he is hiding. Maybe this is about control. It would be pointless to search for the cause since it will change soon enough. We will treat the symptoms by removing distractions at bedtime and monitoring better in the night. The teachers are going to try to engage him before he has a chance to put his head down. With his medications being dropped and school becoming increasingly less modified Tommy is going to be under a lot of pressure.

Thanks for the compliments!

2005-09-19T10:46:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

I want to thank LaTreen Washington and the others at alt.support.childfree for all her positive statements about Tommy and our parenting. There was one valid comment "What's MORE ANNOYING than the kid? The parhunts' thrusting out the begger's cup every couple inches!" which I totally agreed with. Yes, in the archives there are references to Paypal circa the same era that everyone and their brother had paypal beg links on prominently displayed on their blogs. On Feb 17, 2005 the last such link appeared as we viewed it as tacky and not in the spirit of the blog. The blog now sports a single google ad and one amazon ad because both occasionally show nice relevant information.

I won't address any of your childlessish comments. If such people are to afraid (or for whatever reason they choose) to not take on the challenges of parenthood, then they should not concern themselves with stories of children. I recommend that Ms Washington step out of the archives and read the recent material as Tommy has grown more mature than many other teenagers his own age and I would trust him far great than "better disciplined" children.

Knoxville Aspergers Support Group Tonight

2005-09-19T10:13:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

The Knoxville Aspie Support Group meets tonight at:

Knox County Public Library System: West Knoxville Branch (map)
(865) 588-8813
100 Golfclub Rd
Knoxville, TN 37919

from 6pm to 7:30pm. This is an informal gathering of caregivers, family, consumers (Aspies) and others wishing to share information and stories regarding their Aspergers experiences.

The mailing list is located at Yahoo Groups by searching for knoxville_apsie_support.

Rough mornings return?

2005-09-19T10:10:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy didn't want to get up this morning and missed breakfast because of it. Could be our 10pm return last night was too much for Tommy. The doctor assures us that the medication change would not explain sleeping in first period or being excessively tired.

When Tommy misses breakfast it almost assures a hard day. Our M-Team is right now and only the wife went. I wanted to do battle and perhaps that is why she encouraged me to stay home and work. I hope it goes well.

Loves the sound of his own voice

2005-09-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Last night Tommy and I join our friends for another D&D session. I spoke to Tommy in the beginning and warned him about cracking a joke everytime his mouth opened. I told him he wasn't on a stage and that every sentence should not be a punchline. Apparently he took that to heart as his joking was relatively under control. He took the game more seriously.

What I failed to do was remind Tommy that this was a group activity and not a monologue. He didn't stop talking the entire 3 hours of our visit. Even when prompted it would just be a few seconds of pause while you could see the gears turning in the head as if he was trying to figure out what foreign language was just spoken to him. Even when ignored he talked. When the interaction had nothing to do with him he talked. Talked talked talked talked. He talked so much my ears were tired.

Tommy made an extremely good call in a battle situation. He had control of 3 characters in addition to his own and wisely sent two of them to the other side of camp to assist others. When he realized that in doing so he allowed himself to be out numbered 3-2 his anxiety went up and he started begging that we send the others back. In the end we were triumphant yet battered and hopefully Tommy saw the wisdom in his actions.

Game On!

2005-09-16T12:35:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

I thought we could have a pleasant year this year. Tommy is doing great. We demanded no pre-school meetings and for the first 6 weeks have asked very little of the system. As per our end of year M-Team (or was that an IEP) we were to have an M-Team (or IEP) within the first 6 weeks to assess Tommy's progress and refocus his goals.

Enter the bureaucracy! We are told "this will be a 15 minute meeting." The paperwork arrives today and mentions nothing about planning Tommy's education. The sole purpose is to eliminate the Dana Smart which is his technological aid for which we fought so long and hard. They have these things warehoused. It is not like they are hurting to distribute them and Tommy needs it! Getting him to use it is a slightly different matter not to be addressed by yanking it away.

So, my background is Quality Assurance. Time to apply some IEEE bureaucracy to the system and really hold them accountable for their jobs. I believe the end of year IEP paperwork is a good starting point.

Is this the beginning of the decline?

2005-09-15T09:03:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy's teacher just called to report that Tommy is sleeping through 1st period. He slept through a test and she said that he is going to fail science because he is refusing to do the work. BUT he is having a great year.

This is the first sign of trouble. I wonder if it is a reaction to his reduction of Seroquel. Perhaps the medicine change is giving him restless sleep. Last night he did flip around in the bed which is uncharacteristic of Tommy but we also had no air conditioning.

Tommy and I chatted. I proposed earlier bedtimes and removing all distractions (DS, books, radio, mp3 player, computer, etc.) from his room. He simply replied, "I go to sleep at midnight and nothing will change that." I told him that this phone call wasn't for debate and that a quarter mile run before bedtime would help. I explained I have many ideas on how to tire a child.

Go Tommy!

2005-09-13T04:23:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy had his best doctor's appointment ever. You could see he wanted to act up but held it together. For some odd reason, Tommy likes to turn on his worst for his psychologist. Tommy is doing so well that we've opted to reduce then eliminate his weight gain medicine, Seroquil. Crossed fingers!

2005-09-09T09:35:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:

Lately I have felt like I terrible mother more and more frequently. I let Tommy down last night and I suspect he is more upset about it than he says he is. We were supposed to be in three places at the same time last night and with only two parents, one thing had to be dropped. We dropped Tommy's open house at school. Open House is a time for parents to meet teachers, see the school and learn what their child's day is like. We have daily notes, weekly calls and several looong meetings each year so, we KNOW what Tommy is doing at school. I don't know what to expect of an upcoming school trip that Sarah is taking though and needed to attend the parent meeting. Dad is one of Noah's Boy Scout leaders so he had to attend the den meeting. Yes, I know that Tommy is jealous that Sarah gets to go on a school trip and Noah gets to be a Boy Scout. I feel terrible that Tommy thinks we short changed him.

It is only going to get worse in the Tommy left out and Mom feeling guilty department. In two weeks Sarah goes on a long school trip to the Gulf Coast and Noah goes to DC for a week. This summer Sarah and Noah both went to the beach and to separate scout camps. Sarah visited her Aunt and Uncle who have a pool in their back yard. Sarah and Noah have both been to visit their DC Aunt and Uncle in the past year. Tommy has been nowhere. Tommy is well aware of how much he misses out on doing.

Hard night on Tommy

2005-09-09T09:30:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Mom points out that last night was hard on Tommy. Obviously the school did a sales job on the students to try to get the parents to come to open house. Open house this year is not an "open house" as much as it is a parent orientation. It would begin at 6pm with a thirty minute speech to the parents who would then disband for similar scenerios in the teachers rooms. Frankly I don't need to be talked to for hour and a half about things that I already know or don't apply to my child. Last year we were at the school more than many parents will be during their child's entire four years!

An open house should be just that. A pseudo self-guided tour of the school with student leading parent through his schedule and introducing them for brief nicities with the teachers. And to leave with packets of rules, requests and other useful information.

Tommy was jazzed. He felt that open house was some kind of amuzement that he was missing out on. He was excited about this "really cool" film to be shown and overall felt that this event was somehow for him.

We had a 6:30pm meeting at his sister's school regarding her trip to Daulphin Island and had to be there to get questions answered about how the hurricane would impact the trip. We also had a 6:30pm boy scout meeting for his brother. Does this leave Tommy on the ropes? On this night it does but his siblings make countless concessions for his horse riding, therapy appointments and other activities centered on Tommy. On this night it was fair and we couldn't possibly be in all locations at once. Had it been a true open house I would have made an effort to swing by the school from 6-6:15.

Mornings Get Rough

2005-09-09T07:39:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy has been doing so well that Mom and I were prepared to recommend that his medicine be further reduced. His school reports are exceptional. However, our mornings are becoming gruff and the bus driver reports "well, we have our days."

This morning Tommy wouldn't get out of bed. Everytime I spoke to him he gritted his teeth, whined "'Neeeeyaaahng" and rocked his body like a weeble wobble left to right. It didn't matter what I said to him I received an agitated response. I will say that when I spoke to him directly about his actions that he was able to pull himself together immediately and talk maturely to me.

Tommy didn't get himself out of bed in time for breakfast this morning. He viewed that his sister was pouring herself a bowl of cereal at the same time his bus arrived as "unfair" and slammed the door on his way out. I made him come back and close the door nicely and begged him to have a good day at school.

Maybe I need to return to letting Tommy and his brother play the Playstation before school. It seemed to incentivize him to get out of bed early and be cheery. Perhaps we have been focusing too much on the negative and not rewarding the wealth of positives Tommy is giving. I'm going to focus on pumping him up and making sure I'm ignoring the small stuff.

Exceptional Times

2005-09-08T06:51:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:
Tommy has been doing so well for so long and we are thrilled to no end. Tommy's maturity is showing. He is acting responsible and caring.

His instructor at STAR last night commented that Tommy is joking, doing really well, and they are really enjoying him.

Last night we did have a minor meltdown. We think Tommy was simply over tired. Perhaps the night before he stayed up too late listening to music.

2005-08-24T16:14:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
Tommy has been getting mail from military recruiters. His school sent home a note asking for permission to give out the names of high schoolers to various branches of the military and I said no. Dad thinks they may have asked Tommy to give his address during one of their many visits to the school where they give away trinkets (like personalized dog tags). How can they collect information from minors to use as recruitment tools against their parents' permission? How do I explain to Tommy that he needs to consider other things for his future without crushing his hopes and dreams?

Too Many Children Left Behind

2005-08-24T11:04:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Connecticut became the first state to file suit against the federal government over the No Child Left Behind Act, claiming the Bush administration has not provided enough money to pay for new testing and programs.

Article

Double Edged Sword

2005-08-18T06:40:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

I am really torn on the issue of video games. Tommy would play them non-stop, but then again, so did I. The difference is I also got out and rode my bike, climbed trees and hiked. Tommy does nothing physical.

Now, the Playstation was offered to him as a motivator to get up in the morning which wasn't necessary because he was getting up. It was more of a "being nice to Tommy" since he received a couple of new games for his birthday and hasn't been able to play them much in the afternoons and evenings. The real problem is that the toddler has been sleeping in and yesterday the boys got so noisy with the game that they woke her. I really don't want her picking up the waking at the same time as the school aged kids routine; at least, not yet.

I found a compromise. I moved the Playstation to the front of the house which has the added benefit of me being able to watch the interaction between the boys.

2005-08-16T10:52:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: Yesterday was Tommy's 15th birthday. He is so much like a teenager now that it amazes me. A post from last year about Tommy still sums things up.

2005-08-12T15:53:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: Our schools have never known what to do with Tommy. Smart but unwilling to work, clueless to peer interactions and lacking in impulse control, traditional behavioral management methods have always failed. This year they decided to put him with a child almost identical in personality. Two Aspergers teens and a teacher who had a few hours of training on Aspergers over the summer. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Mom's version

2005-08-12T15:44:00.000-04:00

Mom - "Tommy! How was your first day of school?"
Tommy - "They didn't feed us."
Mom - "It was only a half day. You'll have lunch there tomorrow."
Tommy - "They didn't feed us." grumble grumble gripe
Mom - "Xan you tell me something other than that you didn't get lunch at school today?"
Tommy - "I need a lunch check tomorrow."

2005-08-12T12:42:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy's first day of school apparently went well. It was a half day and his teacher walked him through what will become his routine. He had a great time. Tommy's only gripe was "They didn't feed us!" and when we pointed out that it was only a half day of school he groused "they didn't feed us. I need a lunch check tomorrow."

This morning, despite having a check in his bag, Tommy went on and on about needing a lunch check. I finally had to open his bag and show him exactly where it was so that he could relax. Food is important to Tommy.

Tommy Rides!

2005-08-11T09:48:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:

Tommy's aunt and uncle have posted pictures from the STAR horse show including Tommy in the obsticle course and Tommy riding really well.

2005-08-11T09:07:00.000-04:00

Tommy is jolly and thrilled to be heading back to school. He'll be in for a surprise because the Asperger's class has been moved to his school and his Dungeons and Dragons buddy will be his classmate.

2005-08-04T13:30:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: I hate inflicting the pain, but I always felt that immunizations were needed and the benefits outweighed the risks. My grandmother had polio and never fully recovered. Yet, after having five children I find myself feeling squeemish about getting my youngest son immunized. Tommy is textbook Asperger's and although he doesn't have enough symptoms for a diagnosis, Noah has the traits that definitely put him someplace on the spectrum. I always blamed my ex-husband because of some of the peculiarities in his personality and even more so in his family members, but maybe it is me. Maybe it is something I unknowingly pass on to my sons. It has been a long time since I found myself feeling the "blame and reason" stuff and I thought I was past this. I know better than to waste time on why and focus on life but with my infant son's first shots just a few weeks away, I find myself very nervous and uncomfortable.

2005-08-03T18:30:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: There are days when I feel calm no matter what Tommy does or says. Today was not one of those days. He woke his baby brother three times and every time it happened Tommy was stunned and confused. "I didn't know he was asleep." Tommy is getting on my very last nerve today with his loud noises and constant talking about nothing.

2005-08-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: Tommy begrudgingly read "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok. He declared it to be "not too bad". Now he is reading Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Shakespeare sent him into a big tantrum so he is going to skip plays for a while. I know that he thinks I am a big meanie for telling him what to read but just reading Forgotten Realms books is not going to help him be culturally literate enough to pass the GED exam and there is much to learn from books that are based in the real world.

2005-07-30T21:20:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: How can the same child who acts like he is suffocating from the smell when Doug brews coffee not mind his own body odor and refuse to bathe? "I don't think it's a bad smell Mom."

2005-07-29T14:09:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
If I had hacker skills I could let Tommy work on this from home. He spends most of his school day working on very basic math and english on it.

2005-07-29T13:32:00.000-04:00

Mom reports: If I ask Tommy to do something he goes on a vocabulary diet. Instead of actually stating his thoughts or expressing his reason for disagreement, I get "What?!?" or "Mom!" He makes up for his brevity of words by adding syllables. "Mo-o-o-o-o-m!"

2005-07-25T20:04:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
Since the school doesn't care if Tommy gets an education (only that he passes their standardized tests), I am gathering books that he needs to read to be culturally literate. Books that most high schoolers are expected to have read by the time they graduate. Tommy loves to read so this can only boost his strengths. I have been making his reading list from required reading lists available on the Internet. The list is pretty long already. What would you say are the most important books for a high schooler to read?

A Golden Ticket!

2005-07-24T16:15:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:
Yesterday Tommy went with his entire family to the movies to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We took up nearly an entire row in the theater.

Tommy seemed amped and antsy. When we inquired it turned out that Tommy was asked to take his morning medicine but forgot. Aside from needing a few extra reminders to relax, he really did well!

Tommy also enjoyed the movie very much. When asked if he liked this one better than the one from 1971 he replied, "they are both really different."

2005-07-19T16:15:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
In Tommy's unpublished and ever-changing rulebook, 3 meals, one snack and one dessert must be eaten every day. Yesterday and today he started the day at 11 and I told him he was eating breakfast AND lunch. Tommy is livid and mumbling "I'm hungry" over and over again in a quest to get a meal now and again in an hour.

2005-07-18T13:07:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
At 10 this morning I started trying to get Tommy out of his bed. He angrily arose at 11. "This is MY summer. I shouldn't have to go to school during MY time." His summer workshop (it's not even a class) is from 12:30 until 3:30 for just two weeks. I can hardly wait for regular school to start in a few weeks. Tommy should have some really choice words about school starting again.

Tommy Read Harry

2005-07-17T12:13:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:
I know he was up at 2:45am reading because I was up too. I didn't interfere but made him walk the dog this morning at 8:45 and he was grouchy! Did he finish the book? Probably. Will we wake him? That's Mom's choice.

Harry Potter

2005-07-16T09:40:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:
The family went to the Border's festivities for the Harry Potter book release. Tommy turned down the offer to participate instead choosing to go to his grandparents which I thought was both nice and good for him. The crowds and chaos with the hour of the night and the jealously over Sarah having friends there certainly would have pushed Tommy into a meltdown; on the other hand, he may have picked up a book, found a corner and mentally retreated for a calm evening. With Tommy, events like that can still be a crap shoot.

Long night

2005-07-13T05:48:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:
Tommy chose to keep himself up reading all night long. We knew he was up and I was supposed to encourage him to sleep but I passed out before going upstairs. At 5:15 when I discovered him I told him that he could not go to sleep and would have to pay the price. He bawled and cried and objected but after I made him walk the dog and he discovered a frog on our porch he seemed better. While he cooked himself some eggs he was downright jolly and socialable.

D and D Fun

2005-07-10T08:49:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:
Tommy and I had the pleasure of meeting with his friend last night. Tommy was excited but mostly maintained himself well. A couple of times the adults calmly paused and asked Tommy if he would pull it together we would continue. His friend is also an Aspie and it is interesting to watch the two together. I'm glad they get along.

Tommy's friend's Dad had a guest arrive as we ended our game. The boys became very excited and went to town recounting the tales of our adventures in great detail. It was very amusing to listen to the replay. The boys really are having a good time and taking in the game.

2005-07-06T11:11:00.000-04:00

Mom reports:
Tommy is a grumpus today. He has got to start sleeping at night. I am going to give him some caffeine (a can of Dr.Pepper) and see if he can stop yelling at everyone.

Going to be grumpy!

2005-07-06T04:45:00.000-04:00

Dad reports:
At 4:41am I took away Tommy's glasses, book and Nintendo DS. When I asked for them, he grimmaced and asked, "what time is it?" despite having a digital clock a few feet in front of him and an analog clock on the wall.